OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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