sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
