so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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