And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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