i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
