She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
my poor anus
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
