you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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