So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
