She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
