WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
