I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
