Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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