please come you make the beer taste better
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
