The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
