I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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