i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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