i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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