Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
