just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
