If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
