We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize