Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
