I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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