my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
