sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everyone says I win the strip club
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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