And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
