May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
