Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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