All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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