GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
