im gay
i know
yea but for you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
