And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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