omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
