it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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