dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
