My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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