You're my little dorito
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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