I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
