you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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