At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
