Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
