i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
