You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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