I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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