Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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