I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
