it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
