Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just found a bag of teeth...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
