I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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