i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my being single is dangerous.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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