You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
