His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
