Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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