I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
