I think my vagina is haunted
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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