tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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