dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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