Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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