the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
