I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
