i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
