I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
