I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
