pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
