We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The beer is more important than you right now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
