Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
