my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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