She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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