maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
