Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
