tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
