fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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