I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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