Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
