i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
